


Faith

by EradiKate



Series: Violet and Elderflower [4]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Insomnia, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 17:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19706074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EradiKate/pseuds/EradiKate
Summary: Cullen spends a sleepless night questioning himself after finding Maddox at the Shrine of Dumat.





	Faith

The shrine of Dumat must have been imposing, once upon a time. Even in its ruined state, Cullen was slightly awed by the remnants of grand arches, rich tapestries, and sweeping halls. For all its former beauty, he hated the place. Dumat had been a bloodthirsty god, worshipped by Tevinter, starter of the Blights. It made his skin crawl and he knew sleep would be impossible.

He had shooed away most of the agents, though he knew Harding would be lurking somewhere in the shadows, keeping watch. Cullen was grateful for that. Few understood the need for quiet so well as the scout captain, and he needed some time with his thoughts.

His head tipped back against a boulder, he studied the sky. Satinalis, Fenrir, Judex. It was comforting to know that the stars were constant, even as the world crumbled and old friends turned to abominations. Samson had been a good man, once. He had believed in something and devoted himself wholly to it. Cullen shuddered to think of what he had done in Corypheus’ name and without realizing it, his eyes fell to the place where they had laid Maddox to rest.

A tent flap rustled; Cullen sat straighter and prodded the campfire. 

“Cullen?” The low, sweet voice lost none of its charm for being sleep-slurred. “Are you all right?” Katrin moved into the circle of firelight, barefoot and clad in a linen shift that fell to her knees. He wondered if he had drifted off after all, because she was as lovely as ever he had seen her. Dreaming or not, her presence strengthened and reassured him.

“I am troubled,” he admitted. “I thought I knew Samson. I thought he was decent. If he could fall to this, could I?”

She sat on the ground next to him, heedless of the hard-packed dirt, and laid her head against his knee. “I think we all have the capacity for both good and evil, that nothing is fixed. The choice always rests with us.”

“Is it so simple?” he asked almost bitterly. “Does one wake up one morning and choose to turn his back on his fellows?”

Katrin wriggled around so that she was looking up into his face, her green eyes serious. “Of course it isn’t simple. I wonder every day if I’m making the right choices, if what I’m doing will save or ruin us. I know I’ve made mistakes–lots of them–but the only one I can be sure is right is the decision to keep trying.”

Chastened, Cullen bowed his head. “Katrin...I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Her hand came to rest on his, gentle as she ever was. “You called him a brother once. How could you not question the danger of your own choices?”

“You understand almost too well,” Cullen replied. “Though I suppose I ought not to be surprised, you have had to make so many choices and sacrifices.”

“It didn’t begin with the Inquisition,” Katrin whispered, so softly he wasn’t sure she had said anything at all. He strained to hear her next words. “I learned early on that I had to choose when to speak up and when to stay silent. Every time I tried to change something, when I tried to do right, it seemed as though I only made things worse. And so I chose silence for far too long and it nearly cost me everything.”

He squeezed her hand, staring into the heart of the fire where the flames shifted from orange to white to blue. “But you’ve done so much good since coming here. You’ve spoken for so many that are voiceless. The mages, the refugees, the elves...how can you doubt yourself still?”

“The same way you doubt yourself, Cullen.” Her tone bore only the slightest reproof. “You have broken yourself of lyrium addiction, offering hope to so many other Templars. You’ve raised an army from almost nothing. And you saved so many from death at Haven.” Her voice broke. “But still we doubt.”

They sat in silence, Cullen stroking Katrin’s hair, both deep in thought. The stars kept their pace and the moon walked its slow path, beautiful as ever though neither Commander nor Inquisitor noticed in the slightest.

“It never gets easier, does it?” he asked at last. “We’ll never be sure that we’re doing the right thing.”

“Corypheus is certain. Samson is certain.” Katrin unfolded her legs and stretched. “Maybe a little uncertainty is necessary for faith to do its work. It’s small comfort, I know, but it’s what I can offer.”

“You may be right.” Cullen leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “You should try to rest now, dearest. Whatever else, I have faith in you.”

She stood, linen and pale limbs cast in gold by the fire, a small and thoughtful smile on her face. “I have faith in you too, Cullen.”


End file.
